A quick poll of my parenting friends and mums at the school gate had the baby monitor as the number one most pointless item they bought for their newborn. As my friend put it,
my son could be heard crying over several football fields, so having an amplification unit in a 3-bed semi was a fairly expensive waste of time.
But it turns out that amplifying the sound of your baby’s cry is nothing compared to some of the ridiculous products on the market.
Baby bikini
Cause nothing say cute ikkle baby quite like dressing them up in a string bikini.
Baby bottom fan
Nothing dries a baby’s bottom faster than air pushed through a teeny fan. But surely waiting a couple of minutes or letting your baby crawl around bare bottomed wouldn’t be the end of the world…
Baby wipe warmers
Seriously, baby wipe warmers? Where do you live that you need a warmer to keep the baby wipe from inflicting cold burns on your baby’s skin, in an igloo?
The baby door hanger
Pesky kids getting in the way? Need to wee without having a child climbing on your lap? Don’t worry about it, we’ve got it covered with the baby keeper basic.
Baby birth doll
I know we need to broach the subject of where babies come from eventually, but do we really need to do it in such an oddly graphic way?
Zaky baby pillow
Is this creepiest baby product ever? It’s quite possibly a top contender, that’s for sure.
Baby cry translator app
Come on now, you don’t really think…seriously…do you?
Potty mitts
Riiiightttt, that’ll stop your kids getting germs on their hands. Cause it’s not like they are always sticking them in places they ought not be and then straight into their mouths.
Placenta teddy
Okay, not strictly for the child now, but a lovely keepsake for when they are older, don’t you think? *pukes in mouth a little*
Baby snuggie
Ever wanted to act out that scene from alien with your child? Of course you have, what sane parent hasn’t? And now you can. How great is that?
I wonder if I can get a discount if I buy 2 of the door hangers?!
I don’t see why not. Think of all the things you could get done! I wonder if they do them in age 4-7?
Placenta Teddy!!! now that’s just wrong.
You know, some people cook and eat the placenta. I find the whole idea of wanting to cook and eat something that’s come out of you to be indescribably odd. But I guess compared to that a teddy ain’t so bad. Who am I kidding? That teddy gives me the creeps. *shudder*
Wow, the people who dream up these contraptions must be seriously freaky!
that or they’ve never actually had children of their own. Except the baby hanger one which was clearly thought up by a mother.
I agree with all of them being wrong, but I like a baby wipe warmer! Ive used wet wipes on myself and theyre friggin cold!!!! We keep ours on the radiator so they are warm :p